


The Smell of Grapefruit (AKA The One Time Lance Did A Bad Thing)

by izuruthemad



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bar-Hopping, Celebrating Zarkon's Defeat, Fluff and Humor, Humor, I REGRET NOTHING, I'm not sorry, Jump into hell with me lmao, Lance (Voltron) is a Meme, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Lotor's Alive Tho Huehuehue, M/M, Post-Defeat of Zarkon, Post-Season 2, Shirogane's Shirogone, Smut, The Grapefruit Method, Zarkon Presumed Dead, a little bit of smut, attempted blowjob, crack humor, no regrets, pidge is a memelord
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-11-20 01:55:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11326254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/izuruthemad/pseuds/izuruthemad
Summary: "So, boys," the admittedly-good looking female alien continued, her lamp-like eyes flickering in the twilight. "Have any embarrassing relationship stories for me? Those always make my day."For a moment, Lance couldn't think of any, but as the smell of the fruity drinks he and Keith were drinking hit his nose, he remembered."Keith," Lance whispered, hoping his boyfriend wouldn't remember. "Keith, buddy, pal, mi amor, please don't talk about it, I said I was sorry..."However, it was too late for him now- Keith had easily remembered. He shot Lance a devil-may-care grin, licked his lips, and began the story."Well... There was this ONE time..."----------This is the one incident Lance truly regretted. Never listen to Pidge.





	The Smell of Grapefruit (AKA The One Time Lance Did A Bad Thing)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, enjoy my crack fic

Keith just wanted to sleep, or mope over Shiro's disappearance- however, Lance would not let him.

It was to be expected that as soon as the awful silence surrounding Shiro's disappearance became too much for him, Lance would cut through it like a knife through hot butter.

That he did do.

"Guys?" Lance piped up sheepishly. The Paladins were staring at his empty seat, torn with the loss of their leader, but the relief of hearing another voice finally made them look up. "We did just technically nerf Zarkon..."

Relief filled Keith's senses, despite the emptiness of Black's cockpit. "Yeah...?" he replied tentatively. "And?"

Lance fidgeted slightly. "So... I was thinking... that maybe we could, ya know... celebrate? I mean, it's fine if you guys don't wanna... we just lost Shiro again... But it would help, right?"

Lance flinched at the shocked expressions on their faces as they looked up at him. Keith started, but a set of clicking footsteps cut him off.

"I, for one," Coran began, his tone rather grave, "think it's a wonderful idea. We all miss Shiro dearly, but he wouldn't want us to mope, would he? I say we should get out and celebrate the defeat of Zarkon. We aren't done yet, but we'll have some nice downtime and this might be one of our only chances to do so."

Allura nodded. "You're absolutely right, Coran. Paladins! We are going to go celebrate."

So that's how Keith found himself hitting up bars with a tipsy Lance whilst Hunk, Allura and Pidge were dancing in the square and Coran was trying to get a nice deal on some new alien tech for the ship (while also slightly tipsy himself).

They soon found themselves in a classy outdoor bar run by several hot aliens. Lance had  _giggled_ and dragged Keith over to the bar ("Lance, babe, I love you, but I'm not gonna be happy if you ogle the staff the whole time."), and had soon gotten acquainted with a girl and her friends who seemed to be more interested (to Keith's relief and Lance's drunken despair) in their relationship than Lance himself. Lance and Keith allowed the girls to buy them a few drinks, and managed to find themselves deep in conversation with these girls.

"Aww, lucky you! You seem to have such a trouble-free relationship," the alien girl commented after a while, her laquered nails drumming on the table. 

"What do you mean by that?" Keith asked, confused. "We used to bicker all the time."

"Well..." The girl thought some. "The last time I was with a guy, he didn't know my name for three whole weeks and I didn't know until one of his friends called me by my mom's name. Embarrassing!"

"Yikes," the boys both commented, Lance snuggling closer to Keith.

"So, boys," the admittedly-good looking female alien continued, her lamp-like eyes flickering in the twilight. "Have any embarrassing relationship stories for me? Those always make my day."

For a moment, Lance couldn't think of any. It relieved him. _Maybe we are a somewhat normal couple._ However, as the smell of the fruity drinks he and Keith were drinking hit his nose, he remembered.

The worst of the worst, absolutely embarrassing story of the decade, and it was HIS fault for listening to Pidge. He shuddered.

"Keith," Lance whispered desperately, hoping his boyfriend wouldn't remember. "Keith, buddy, pal, mi amor, please don't talk about it, I said I was sorry..."

However, it was too late for him now- Keith had easily remembered. He shot Lance a devil-may-care grin, licked his lips, and began the story.

"Well... There was this ONE time... where we were back on the ship during one of our less active weeks..."

\-----------------------

\-----------

\-----

\--

-

 

"Lance, Keith!" Pidge called, waving them over. "I managed to find some of my old files! This video is HILARIOUS. You have to see this."

Lance eagerly sat down to watch, Keith sitting next to him warily. "What'cha got for us, Pidge?"

Pidge smirked and hit play.

Five minutes later Lance and Keith had jumped out of their seats, alarmed; Pidge was rolling with laughter.

"What. The absolute. Fuck, Pidge!?!" Keith barked, throwing his hands up in the air. Muttering obscenities, he stormed from the room.

Pidge checked to make sure Keith was out of earshot, and leaned over towards Lance. With a shit-eating grin on their face, they whispered, "Maybe you should grapefruit yo man, Lance."

With an angry huff, Lance walked off...

\------------------

"That's it? I thought it would be more embarrassing than that," the girl commented. "Also, what's a grapefruit?"

"It gets better," Keith said, resisting the urge to howl with laughter. "Also, grapefruits are an Earth fruit, citrus? So later that week, we had a time planned where we were gonna have some time to ourselves, and Lance was gonna suck me off and then fuck me blindfolded..."

\----------------

"Found the goddamn blindfold," Lance noted, a hungry note lacing his voice. He tossed it to Keith, who put it on the bed, sitting there with a come-hither expression on his face.

They met in a kiss, Lance helping Keith out of his shirt, mouths fighting against each other. "Looks like the rest of the team is busy," Lance began huskily. "That means I got you all to myself."

"That's a good thing," Keith replied, a mischievous note lacing his words. He slipped out of his pants, and Lance helped fit the blindfold over his eyes. Keith shivered as his vision was cut off and he could sense Lance getting to his knees.

The warm tongue around his dick awoke his senses. Keith's back arched as Lance worked around, each lick sending a wave of ecstasy through his body. He whined when Lance removed his mouth. He started to beg for more but...

He smelt it. A fruity tingling... Citrus-y...

Keith peeled his blindfold off in a flash and was met with Lance holding a hollowed-out space fruit.

His face split into a cold grimace.

"Keith..? Babe?"

\-------------------

Pidge and Hunk could hear his shout from the living room of the ship.

"FUCKING GRAAAAAAPEFRUUUUUIIIIT!!"

Seconds later, a terrified, shirtless Lance ran down the hallway, the space fruit mashed in his hair. With a distressed sigh, Hunk passed Pidge 20 gack.

"Told you he'd do it."

-

\---

\-------

\------------

\-------------------

"And Lance will never change plans on me again, especially not to something Pidge suggested," Keith finished. "Isn't that right, Lance?"

Lance let out an anguished, embarrassed noise from where his face rested in his hands. 

Keith smirked and soaked in the victory.

 

However, after they had left, he had apologized to Lance like the big softie that he really is.


End file.
